Thin Ice of Judgment - A Motivational Reminder

Posted by Vince Poscente on Wed, Sep 18, 2013 @ 05:00 AM

There’s this guy who left his wife and kids… a relative who still can’t find a job… a person you know who sued close friends… a celebrity who said something inappropriate… a politician who’s in the middle of a scandal. What seems to be common about all these stories? Our instant human reflex to judge and be right.

How dare he leave his family? What a deadbeat if she can’t find a job? What kind of low life would sue my friend? That celebrity is should be ashamed. That politician is morally corrupt. We instinctively feel we have a right to judge. But when you judge you put yourself on thin ice.

patches_of_thin_judgmentUse the advice of Ralph Waldo Emerson. “In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.” Quickly skate past the areas of judgment, hurt, pain, feeling of revenge or “being right.” There are no winners when you feel you have the right to judge.

In 2008, in Israel, I met an Israeli mother, whose daughter died because of a Palestinian suicide bomber. On stage, she was holding hands with a Palestinian who’d been imprisoned by Israelis for untold crimes. They looked into each other’s eyes, in the spirit of forgiveness. They let go of being “right” and replaced it with peace.

I also met Ali, a Palestinian who watched his mother killed and later his brother shot in the back -- alongside an Israeli mother whose son was killed by a sniper. They both emphasized a simple message:

If you chose a side, you are part of the problem.

They let go of judgment and replaced their “rightness” with seeking a solution. If they can do this under extraordinary circumstances, you can too.

Pain is relative. Connect with the pain of a kindred soul and the pain is not isolated. Experience the power of forgiveness and forgiveness becomes mutual.

The potential of peace is not a distant notion. It is entirely possible in the Age of Speed. Let go of judgment, quickly make a connection, add in forgiveness and peace is an embrace away.

Whether it’s the Middle East or closer to home it takes courage to let go of judgment, connect and then forgive. Or you can continue to hold on to ‘being right’ – no matter the cost.

You have the mettle to accelerate peace of mind and peace itself: 

  1. Resist the instinct to judge. Face it, you don’t know the whole story. (Esepecially those armed with a couple of pieces of information and a propensity to jump to conclusions.) 
  2. a) Connect with that person if they affected you directly -- Listen, don’t speak. 
    b) Disconnect from people who are only observers, yet are determined to judge and ‘be right.’
  3. Forgive that person. You have not been where they have traveled. Being right is less important than peace.

There’s thin ice out there. Keep skating past those patches of judgment.