It's lame to encourage someone with, “Follow your dreams.” Either that someone is aware of this tired cliché or they have no idea of what the dream is. Moreover, your motivational advice will likely fall on deaf ears.
Why is that?
Dreams aren’t nearly an effective motivator as regrets are.
Dreams are best guesses. Regrets are clear, poignant and powerful.
Lance Armstrong has all sorts of opinions being flung at him right now. Some believe his only motivation for coming clean is for better sponsorship at professional triathlon competitions. In other circles, he has pundits questioning his decision from a legal standpoint. They’re posting he will invite more legal implications than if he had kept his mouth shut. Yet, people close to Armstrong state he has repeatedly expressed his regret for denials and attacks on his accusers. With his estimated net worth in excess of $100 million, it’s questionable more money or less litigation are his primary concerns.
The sting of regret is a powerful motivator.
Think to a time when you made a very poor decision or hurt someone else. Think of the regret you felt. That feeling may never be erased. Yet, what forward thinking decision did you make? Chances are, you made a course correction and did what you could to never make that mistake again.
Lying to an Australian customs official about being on the Canadian national wrestling team at Brisbane’s Commonwealth Games is a 30 year-old regret. He saw the special visa, asked if I’d competed and I responded, “Yes.” But this fib about being an athlete sat like a lump of garage station sushi in the pit of my stomach. It drove me to never take credit for a story that I didn’t earn… ever again.
Skipping the chance to compete internationally in Luge is another regret from my past. Watching luge buddies marching in the opening ceremonies threw piano sized remorse on my back. The weight of not committing the way these friends did inspired a four-year journey to compete in Olympic Speed Skiing.
I regret not listening to my first fiancé when she wanted to postpone the wedding because she was “Still in love with (her) old boyfriend.” Yet, after that first failed marriage, the lessons about what to do next time down the aisle involved ‘no regrets.’
So, if you’re tired of hearing ‘Follow your dreams’ or have no clue what ‘your dreams’ might be, give yourself a break.
Instead, look ten, thirty, sixty years down the road. What regrets do you never, ever want to feel?
You’ll find a lot more clarity in what to avoid rather than what you think you want.
If you know exactly what you want - lucky you. But don’t just follow your dreams.
Avoid regrets.
