The signs tell you to avoid it. The posters warn waiting passengers not to become “a statistic.” The big yellow line and the massive piece of screeching metal coming at you at 40 miles-per-hour is a pretty obvious clue. Still, it’s irresistible to want to peek over the edge.

We had some young friends stay with us on a recent New York trip. On the subway platform, the older folks were inclined to stay back, the younger ones wanted to peek over the edge. This catalyzed a thought worth exploring.

Think back to when you were young. The chances you took were not intended to be anything more than satisfying your inquisitive nature. Isn’t that what inspires a rebel – good-ol' curiosity?

“What would it be like?” you thought. Then you did it. The opportunity to experience something new out weighed any threat of consequence.

Those of us with all sorts of self-imposed responsibility, we play it safe. The possible consequences – no matter what level of imagination it takes to conjure up – supersede the magnetic draw of curiosity.

How strong is your curiosity muscle?

Does it look like an anemic chicken wing or is it ripped like an infomercial pitchman holding a dumbbell and your attention?

Risk is a seductive siren. "Just come a little closer. Take a look." The consequences are somewhere between enormous and fictitious.

It helps to have a guide to take you to safe passage. Whether it's a motivational keynote speaker, self-help book or a hand extended in your direction - mitigating the risk with someone who has edge-peeked in the past will surely help.

You know what risk you can feel comfortable but don’t let that stop you from peeking over the edge the next time you get a chance.

The life you want depends on it.

What it is about those who live by the, “People are entitled to my opinion, whether they want it or not” motto? Unsolicited Advisers might work for some people, but they drive yours truly absolutely bonkers. There’s a technique you can use to avoid Unsolicited Advisers driving anyone cukoo. It’s called Gestalt Feedback.

There is a peer-to-peer entrepreneurs' forum we call Veritas. Veritas is the Latin word for truth. We’ve been meeting monthly for over eleven years. The health of our forum relies almost completely on a method of interaction called Gestalt Feedback. This type of feedback is not advisory, but in the form of communication based on personal experience.

For example, one of our ten members could bring up a topic on strengthening client relationships when loyalty seems to be fickle. There’s a protocol designee ready with red and yellow ‘gestalt infraction’ cards. If someone says, “You should institute an incentive program,” they get a red card for flat out ‘advice.’ If that person said, “There are people in situations like yours who put an incentive program in place,” then a yellow card is raised. But, if the person were to follow the gestalt feedback formula, they would say, “We had a disintegrating loyalty issue with the ABC Brick Company so we started an incentive program where the more business we got, the more service credits they received. It increased our retention by 22%.”

You instantly notice the life-sucking effect of Unsolicited Advisors when they start telling you what you should do with your life. Motivational? NOT!

It’s a slow bleed when you hear thinly veiled advice disguised as feedback. Motivating? Not so much!

You can instantly feel the power of gestalt feedback when someone has heard what you said and provides their experience. Chances are you'll hear from them a solution that worked.

The next time you meet at work or in a mastermind setting, explain what gestalt feedback is. Then ask for agreement on this personal experience over advice mode of exchanging information between members.

Like riding a bike for the first time, it may take a few rotations to get the hang of it.

Once it starts to click, you won’t miss unsolicited advice nor that feeling of going bonkers in an absolute way.

On the path, he watched his young friends either be eaten by a lion, attacked by a hyenas or trampled by a heard of wildebeest. A Sudanese boy, orphaned by war, ultimately finds himself ‘rescued’ in America. Now he’s a bag boy in a San Diego supermarket with a profound sense of clarity in our confusing world. Alepho Deng knows a great deal about the path one can find one’s self on.

“I grew up happy, living with my family in a village. Sure, I knew there was danger of wild animals but there was a different kind of danger. The mankind danger. Man going to war,” says Alepho whose family was murdered by the Janjaweed.

Our conversation about living in the USA went as you’d expect – he found a number of challenges adapting to the American culture. Learning English, acquiring new skills and even the typical daily routines of getting up, going to work and closing the day with some family or friend time. He said something we know, but forget. “A lot of people don’t appreciate the grocery store so close. You can’t go hungry – there are food banks. Water is readily available. You can’t walk the street in Sudan and find water or food. American’s have the basic things but don’t seem appreciate them.” Then the conversation took an unexpected turn.

I asked Alepho what he takes for granted. He said, “Education.”

He described present day as his “third page” in his life. First page, his poetic family life in an African village. The second page, the horrors of being one of the orphaned boys of Sudan, escaping the Janjaweed’s ethnic cleansing. This, the third page in the US is his present day path. A path of more self-discovery.

Alepho became aware of the magic of education at an early age. In his words:

“One day a silver shape appears high in the blue sky and my father tells me : “There is another land and the people who live there are white. They like to live in the air, and that is the big American bird that carries them. The big bird is flown mostly by American girls. There is a huge body of water where birds fly until they get exhausted and fall. But this bird can cross it. They control it with magic power that is called education.”

I imagine these Americans with their magic power and I think…. I would like to cross the water and go there some day.”

With education he describes a higher route of an “open mind and heart to better connect with human beings. In school you grow as a person. You can make a career out of it. Yes, you can pay rent and pay for shoes and clothing. Better yet, it opens your heart and mind.”

(To experience Alepho's story alongside an a master story teller... read below.)

How will you embrace the magic of education? What is the next page of your life? Where are you on your path?

Until next week, it's full speed ahead, 

In 2011 Alepho Deng came to Thanksgiving dinner at our home in Encinitas. He walked straight into our hearts and has never left.

A significant portion of the proceeds will go to support the Sudanese Community Center and the International Rescue Committee

Please mark your calendar and join us on Friday night July 19th... for a unique multimedia, lecture/theater event that utilizes the symbiosis of storytelling, music (live and recorded), still photography, animation and video to evoke emotion, stir the intellect and move attendees to positive action.

See you there!

Dr. Jeff Salz

PS: This event is one performance event only. To guarantee yourself a seat (and save money!) you can purchase your tickets online now at: Across Worlds Tickets

Have you noticed how emails increasingly seem like automated, robotic telephone messages? We don’t normally read them carefully. Our busy day forces us to scan, pass-by multiple questions buried in the middle and, often, miss stuff at the end. Like being interrupted with a recorded message, we hang up early and dismiss that annoying feeling.

It’s time to elevate your communication game. Imagize your emails.

The concept is simple. Copy an eye-grabbing picture and paste it in context with your email.

For example, if you wanted to drive referrals for a service or product your represent, you might send an email like this.

Mark,

You might not be forwarding our 70 Second eBrief to your inner circle, we didn’t want to take it personally. We trust you’ll put a smiles on their faces. Forward this eBrief to a few of your friends so they can put smiles on their faces.

Best wishes,
Vince

Adding humor has the most traction. Use Google or Bing Images to search for non-copyright photos. Here’s another example in a situation where you are updating someone on the status of a project.

Denise,

Our web design is taking shape. Thanks for your loyal support in the past. We would love your input on the layout. What do you think, confusing, clear or is there a better way? Your direction on this will help us a great deal. Thanks in advance!

Click this link for a sneak peek at the initial stages of our new design. "Reply" if you have any ideas.

Take care,
Vince

Want to take your imagizing to the next level? Send a quick video from your smart phone. Embed a short message into the email to really show you care. For example, at a recent engagement, one of the key organizers was unable to attend. I took a quick video from the venue to wish her well and that she was missed. It took a few seconds but made difference in her world. To protect her privacy, here is a fun, 30 second example instead (uploaded to YouTube so you could see it easily).

Barbara,

We missed you at the Sales KickOff meeting in San Diego. Your team were gracious hosts. The attendee’s had a blast! All the planning you did paid off - big time. BUT… it really wasn’t the same without you.

Get well soon Barbara.

Warm wishes,

Vince

If you don’t know how to copy and paste pictures or videos into an email, it’s time to learn. You can either differentiate or wallow in the mediocrity of boring, uninteresting messages. Imagize your emails to show how much you care.

“Why?” The question repeats.

“Love” is the resolution.

Cara announced at the office, “Amy’s running an 8 minute mile in Boston. Scott said it was a perfect day. She smiled as she ran past.”

A few hours later, just before the plane doors shut, a young executive leaned over and showed a horrific video from the Boston Marathon finish line.

I texted Amy. They were safe. Facebook and Twitter lit up concerning the bombing. The newsrooms writhed and struggled with this act of hatred. All sought clarity.

Tragedy begets the question - “Why?”

FEAR soon fills the void.

If “why” is not solved, fear embeds its vicious tentacles into recesses of the brain. Like an unrelenting attack, cancer breeds more cancer. Its mission is to kill the host. Keep asking “Why?” without answers - and the cancer grows.

Socrates believed, “There is no solution: seek it lovingly.”

Turn fear away. Love becomes contagious!

1. Foster LOVE in your Biz
Dave Stone, founder of First Rate, Inc. has four values for his company, and ends all his emails with, “Love, Serve, Give & Enjoy.” His staff enjoys selecting charities, which get donations of 10% gross corporate revenue. Mike Schoder, owner and President of the Granada Theater, has love inherent in his culture. “Kindness and honesty equal our mission statement of fun.” FedEx has an internal motto, in order of priority. “People, Process, Profit.” Putting people first is an act of love.

2. Attach LOVE to Your Question
Consistently ask yourself a question with the word “love” in it. Example: How will I serve with love? Following a personal mission statement can be restricting. But living IN your personal question, especially in the name of love, will clear your way. When you consistently ask yourself, “How will I serve with love?” there may be no right answer but there is a right direction. And isn’t ‘the right direction’ where we all want to go?

3. Pivot to LOVE
Being right has become more important than being loving. Since there is no solution, and love is the answer then pivot from trying to right to being loving. If you are in a position of influence (Hint: If you’re breathing, you’re in a significant position of influence) then lead by example.

In 1993 I went through heart numbing closure on a failing marriage. To redirect attention onto something more positive I decided to run the Calgary Marathon with friends. Bryce Medd and I trained six days a week for six months. The plan was to get to the start line AND the finish line healthy. Four hours and forty-five minutes later, fighting through exhaustion, the finish banner finally appeared. Tears flowed as I fell into waiting friends’ embrace.

The devastation in Boston reignited those tears.

This time, for all time, love is the resolution.

He’s 70 and loves to work and was turned down for a job he really wanted. He didn’t lie down. He eventually got the position. How creative and smart will you be - to advance your career?

Harrison Ford was told he wasn’t right for the supporting role in 42, a movie about the life of Jackie Robinson. Ford is arguably one of the most successful actors in film history. He has generated over $6 billion in ticket sales, yet when he was interested in the role of former Brooklyn Dodgers general manager - Branch Rickey, director Brian Helgeland wouldn’t return his call.

“Nothing against [Harrison Ford]” Helgeland said about the casting process. He was opposed to Ford’s stardom. “I didn’t want [the movie] to be Jackie Robinson and Harrison Ford.” Yet, Harrison Ford really wanted the part of the complex, honorable and practical character who helped advance civil rights.

Ford kept calling and insisted on a meeting. The director relented. In the face-to-face conversation with Helgeland, Ford asked about specific scenes. At one point, Ford wanted to better understand a section of the screenplay. He said it could be played either one of two ways. Impromptu, he acted the scene one way. Then played the scene another way. It was clear Ford was intimate with the screenplay. What the director didn’t know was Harrison Ford researched Branch Rickey. He studied audio and film archives of the legendary Dodgers GM. He embodied Rickey’s mannerisms, voice and cadence.

Ford jokes he “…wore [Helgeland] down.” Not true. He approached his job search with the following system.

1. Never Shy Away from What You Want. What do you want? What are you doing about it? Harrison Ford is 70 and loaded. He’s neither retired nor complacent. There are no excuses. Want that job advancement, new client, new business idea? Go for it!
2. When They Don’t Call Back. Keep Calling. They didn’t reply to your email? They didn’t return your voice mail? If you haven’t called at least seven times you’re officially a wimp. Keep smiling and dialing. Get creative. Send them a 70-second video message where they see your eyes and your passion.
3. When They Answer Insist on a Meeting. Repeat after me. “We have to meet. Would two o’clock on Tuesday work or would 10 am on Wednesday be better?” Close until you get a meeting.
4. Do Amazing Homework. Don’t you dare go to the meeting on your charm and good looks alone. It doesn’t matter if you have generated $6 billion in ticket sales. The ONLY thing the interviewee cares about is his own derriere. One trip to Google is NOT research. Go in with an intimate knowledge of the solutions that the interviewee needs to know about. Know more than the interviewee knows.
5. Impress with Extraordinary Value. In the meeting, forget about the benefits of hiring you. Deliver on the extraordinary value you can provide.

If you’ve done your job right, the interviewee would be crazy not to engage you.

Andrew the Cabbie has a spectacular response to, “How are you?” “This morning I woke up with new grace, new forgiveness and a smile on my face. It doesn’t get better than that.” Now that’s an answer!

You’ve got to admit, the stock answer to the “How are you?” question is getting old.

“Good” or “Great” – Really? The grammar police will say, “What are you great at?.”

They’ll correct you with, “Well.”

Or the less “good/great/well” version - - “Fine.” “FINE,” being the acronym for:

• Fed Up
• Insecure
• Neurotic and
• Emotional.

Climbing out of the mediocrity of a stock response is not just about a change in routine. There are substantial benefits to having a more interesting reply.

1. Memorable Impression – Make your first impression or the next one memorable. Whether you’re in sales, reconnecting with a pal or simply making an acquaintance, deep down you want to have impact and influence. Even if it’s fleeting, the effect and affect you have resonates with the meaning of life. Andrew wanted you to know how grateful he was to be alive. There are unlimited impressionable answers to “How are you?” 

• I’m better than I deserve.
• If I were any better, vitamins would be taking ME.
• Why? What did you hear?
• Much better – according to my psychiatrist.
• I’m doing so well I have to sit on my hands to keep from waving at everyone.
• Totally charged. Don’t get too close though, sometimes sparks shoot out my nipples.

2. Reinforced Mindset – Reinforce a mindset that gives you energy and optimism. Good days or bad, yours truly answers with, “Livin’ the dream.” Your brain needs realignment now and then. “Livin’ the dream,” says you’re grateful and blessed. Give yourself every advantage you can. Reinforce your mindset with a positive, delightful response.

3. Connection Opportunity – Nurturing a connection is a privileged opportunity. Andrew’s answer about how he woke up with a new outlook quickly turned into a conversation. He might have been a random motivational taxi driver in Richmond, Virginia. Not after asking how he was. This service industry All-Star elevates his business one ride at a time. 

Let’s face it, when most people ask, “How are you?” – Do they really care? Do they?

Most don’t.

But, an impressionable, mindset reinforcing, opportunity to connect response pushes the needle on the caring meter to “I’m glad we met.”

Are you in the spotlight, or the spouse who inherited a less conspicuous role? The latter involves an elegant dance of being beside and behind someone, occasionally, at the very same time. Let’s call that grace in circumstance.

Meet Dottie Duke, the wife of Charles Duke, the 10th person to walk on the moon's surface.

The event was a private dinner we attended recently in Dallas. Last year, a chance to meet General Duke never transpired. On the way to this year’s dinner, I mentioned to Michelle a couple of times, “I hope we can meet the astronaut who was there last year.”

As luck, or the power of intention, would have it, Charlie and his wife Dottie sat down right beside us. We spent the evening conversing with a truly fascinating couple.

Towards the end of the evening, we decided to take a picture of the four of us. After a smile and a click, Dottie pulled on my arm and said, “A picture with you and Charlie is a good idea.”

How cool is that? After a half century of supporting her husband -- the guy in Houston's 1969 Mission Control talking to Neil Armstrong as he stepped on the moon, to 1972 when Charlie left his footprints on moon-dust while she cared for their two boys, to standing by him during his ascension to US Air Force brigadier general – she glided aside and gave a stranger a chance for a picture with a hero from the golden age of space travel.

Dottie and Charlie are about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

It’s clear the success of their marriage is due in part to Dottie’s ability to dance with grace in circumstance.

What a nice reminder about the gift your grace can have in any dance of circumstance.

It's lame to encourage someone with, “Follow your dreams.” Either that someone is aware of this tired cliché or they have no idea of what the dream is. Moreover, your motivational advice will likely fall on deaf ears.

Why is that?

Dreams aren’t nearly an effective motivator as regrets are.

Dreams are best guesses. Regrets are clear, poignant and powerful.

Lance Armstrong has all sorts of opinions being flung at him right now. Some believe his only motivation for coming clean is for better sponsorship at professional triathlon competitions. In other circles, he has pundits questioning his decision from a legal standpoint. They’re posting he will invite more legal implications than if he had kept his mouth shut. Yet, people close to Armstrong state he has repeatedly expressed his regret for denials and attacks on his accusers. With his estimated net worth in excess of $100 million, it’s questionable more money or less litigation are his primary concerns.

The sting of regret is a powerful motivator.

Think to a time when you made a very poor decision or hurt someone else. Think of the regret you felt. That feeling may never be erased. Yet, what forward thinking decision did you make? Chances are, you made a course correction and did what you could to never make that mistake again.

Lying to an Australian customs official about being on the Canadian national wrestling team at Brisbane’s Commonwealth Games is a 30 year-old regret. He saw the special visa, asked if I’d competed and I responded, “Yes.” But this fib about being an athlete sat like a lump of garage station sushi in the pit of my stomach. It drove me to never take credit for a story that I didn’t earn… ever again.

Skipping the chance to compete internationally in Luge is another regret from my past. Watching luge buddies marching in the opening ceremonies threw piano sized remorse on my back. The weight of not committing the way these friends did inspired a four-year journey to compete in Olympic Speed Skiing.

I regret not listening to my first fiancé when she wanted to postpone the wedding because she was “Still in love with (her) old boyfriend.” Yet, after that first failed marriage, the lessons about what to do next time down the aisle involved ‘no regrets.’

So, if you’re tired of hearing ‘Follow your dreams’ or have no clue what ‘your dreams’ might be, give yourself a break.

Instead, look ten, thirty, sixty years down the road. What regrets do you never, ever want to feel?

You’ll find a lot more clarity in what to avoid rather than what you think you want.

If you know exactly what you want - lucky you. But don’t just follow your dreams.

Avoid regrets.

Scanning down the list of nineteen I couldn’t see my name. I looked again more carefully. I was not listed. There had to be a mistake. 

I found the head coach in the hallway of the hockey rink. Choked up and shaking in my sub five-foot frame I said, “My name’s Vince Poscente. I looked at the list and wasn’t on it. Do you think I was left off the list?”

The coach, Ken Hitchcock, looked down and said flatly, “There are no mistakes.”

I couldn’t believe it. Earlier that day he had faced the forty young teens and said, “If you work hard and show the desire, you will make this team.” From the age of five my entire hockey career was short on talent but long on hustle. I knew that I had more fire than any of the pubescent players in the arena that day.

I played out that season in a B league but quit immediately after. My disillusionment with the politics and my own mediocrity made skiing far more appealing. In skiing I could just play and do it on my own terms.

Had this not happened I would not have been in the position to take up ski racing eleven years later. Had I not ski raced I would not have competed in the Olympics in Albertville. If this didn’t happen I would not have had the privilege to impact hundreds of thousands of people as a motivational keynote speaker, write four books, reach the New York Times bestselling list, establish some amazing friendships and, a few years back, be inducted into the Canadian Speaking Hall of Fame.

Garth Brooks has a song called Unanswered Prayers. In the lyrics he describes how he and his wife chance upon an old girlfriend of his. “As she walked away I looked at my wife and then and there I thanked the good Lord for the gifts in my life. Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”

Meanwhile, Ken Hitchcock went on to be one of the NHL’s most successful coaches leading the Dallas Stars to a Stanley Cup in 1999. Two years after that I was backstage with Ken at a function. I introduced myself and said I grew up in Sherwood Park and still play hockey in a men's league.

His eyes lit up and we realized that we didn’t live far from each other. We also figured out that he sold me hockey equipment at a store in Edmonton. Finally I dropped the bomb, “Hey, did you know you cut me from a hockey team in 1975?”

He looked back and said, “Are you over it yet?”

“Oh ya. It was the best thing you could have done,” and I left it at that.

In our fast paced world today it is easy to get passed by opportunity or other people. But rest assured, you will only be limited by the forward speed you choose to employ. Leave setbacks behind and put your foot on the accelerator. You never know what unanswered prayers await you.

At times... there are no mistakes!