If you’re in the balance, considering commitment, STOP reading now. You’re not there yet. For the rest of you, let me lovingly grab your eyebrows – get so close you don’t know which eye to focus on... and say – “You are NOT committed yet. Not even close!”

"But... but…I walked down the aisle." - "I spent $10,000 on a marketing campaign." - "I said, Yes to the promotion." -  "I quit my job, got a business loan and ordered those shiny new cards."

Go ahead, argue, “I’m in the game. I am committed!” Don’t be delusional. You’re not remotely committed and won’t truly see this until you next-level yourself out of blissful ignorance.

You are not committed yet! No wedding band, comma on a check, my-word-is-my-bond or entrepreneurial leap into shark infested waters is real commitment. You won’t know the level of commitment necessary until you put yourself at a higher level.

Case in point. 1988. You quit your job. Become a Realtor. Move into a pathetic basement suite. Travel on a shoestring budget to ski races across Canada and the US. One would say, you are committed. You even win the National Championships. The person you see in the mirror is on track. Then you go to a “B” level international race in Sweden.

There, your thosearen’tpillows body-part is handed to you. In a field of aspiring international speed skiers, you place midfield. 55th. At this stage, there isn’t a chance in the Casa di Diablo you’ll ever make the Olympic team. You realize your commitment level needs to be raised. When you step it up; you eventually become ranked 10th in the world, break the national record five times and look upon 50,000 people waiting to see you race the gold medal round of the Olympic Winter Games.

You won’t be able to see the level of commitment necessary until your commitment is tested at a higher level. Examples include:

• Preeminent Trade shows.
• National association conventions.
• Personal coaching/counseling from the best, no BS, been-there-done-that professional you can find.
• Elite competitions where your aforementioned body part is on the line.
• Pretty much anything where you risk embarrassment or a contented ego.

Your first foray into that ‘Higher Level’ will not be comfortable. It will likely be categorically painful. But you deserve a new vista.

Gain a perspective of or from the outside, and you will gain clarity. The higher you go, the more insight you gain. Clarity makes your next steps more deliberate, definitive and profound.

Commitment clarity will be the greatest gift you can give your company, business or marriage. Ignorance may be bliss but you deserve more.

Step up to the next level!

You have a gift. Your job is to share it.

Your gift was born the day you took your first breath.

Others may recognize it in you, before you begin to honor it.

Yet, you know when your gift tapped your shoulder.

It nudged you into the light. You saw further. You felt free.

You have a gift. Your job is to share it.

The day she was born you naturally started looking for it.

When his smile touched your soul, his gift smiled too.

Help find the place where her gift can stretch out.

Be a wall and his gift will wither in the shade. Celebrate it instead.

You have a gift. Your job is to share it.

In the world of gifts, the word “should” has no place.

The most venomous word to your gift is “can’t.”

Your gift never goes away. It may collect cobwebs.

It may calcify or rust. But it never dies. Ever.

You have a gift. Your job is to share it.

Your gift never arrives. It’s forever setting out, seeking, blooming, curious, magnetic.

When it can’t breathe, it waits. When it can’t see, it calls out.

If you knew how long you had left to live, your gift would greet you every morning.

When you forget you’re mortal, your gift hides under the covers with you.

You have a gift. Your job is to share it.

You can see the cracks in their hull. You hear the groan under the weight of their success. You can even imagine Steve Jobs punching out a flippant millennial for shrugging his blue T-shirted shoulders. The lesson here? If your brand promise is excellence and you deliver on that brilliance then you can never fall short or your customer may tell others – a lot of others... (cue Jaws soundtrack).

Apple has a leak, yet the warning bells sound more like a Junior High percussionist giving a delicate “ting” to his triangle. They aren’t sinking but a crack can turn into a big titanic hole pretty quickly.

Leading up to their dazzling product roll outs, Apple made the bold move to have Apple Stores around the world. They reached out to their customers with the “Try it. You’ll like it,” puppy-dog close. They made an even bolder statement and branded each on-site tech support person as a “Genius.” Apple promises you a genius. You walk in their store with a problem. You expect a genius. In the past you got an Apple Genius. Last Monday, you walked out telling everyone you know “Some Genius just left me dumbfounded and angry.”

If you and your company provide a gold standard product or service – you have set the minimum expectation in your customers’ mind to deliver excellence.

If you have an iPhone 5, you may be experiencing an infuriating problem. Your smart phone has turned into a stupid phone. It drains battery power in less than four hours with or without usage.

Two trips to the Apple Store, a Genius finally replaces the phone (expensive insurance may have paid off). But, the same battery drain problem exists. You spend hours on the phone, money out of your pocket to pay for certified Apple specialist advice. You spend your limited time and expensive gas on another trip to explain the problem with no solution. ‘Some Genius’ in a blue T says he doesn’t know what to tell you, followed by a shrug of his shoulders.

“So the solution is -- I get to stay frustrated?”

Shrug number two.

You walk out of the Apple Store. Every other positive experience you've had at the Apple Store has been erased with just a couple of shrugs. Your seething disappointment is eventually replaced by the hope the restaurant you’re headed to has a spare outlet near your table. At lunch, you hope you can charge your iPhone as it limps along on less than 5% battery power.

If you set a high expectation in your customer’s mind,

then you may have set your minimum standard of delivery -

which might be out of reach.

Yes – exceed your customer’s expectations when you can. They will think you're a genius. Then be keenly aware of meeting your customer’s elevated expectations from then on.

If not, your customer will be telling 25,000 people “Some Genius really blew it last Monday.”

(PS. I love Apple Inc. and my story may be anecdotal. My intention of writing this story is for you to carefully watch your own business and it's dedication to excellence.) 

The signs tell you to avoid it. The posters warn waiting passengers not to become “a statistic.” The big yellow line and the massive piece of screeching metal coming at you at 40 miles-per-hour is a pretty obvious clue. Still, it’s irresistible to want to peek over the edge.

We had some young friends stay with us on a recent New York trip. On the subway platform, the older folks were inclined to stay back, the younger ones wanted to peek over the edge. This catalyzed a thought worth exploring.

Think back to when you were young. The chances you took were not intended to be anything more than satisfying your inquisitive nature. Isn’t that what inspires a rebel – good-ol' curiosity?

“What would it be like?” you thought. Then you did it. The opportunity to experience something new out weighed any threat of consequence.

Those of us with all sorts of self-imposed responsibility, we play it safe. The possible consequences – no matter what level of imagination it takes to conjure up – supersede the magnetic draw of curiosity.

How strong is your curiosity muscle?

Does it look like an anemic chicken wing or is it ripped like an infomercial pitchman holding a dumbbell and your attention?

Risk is a seductive siren. "Just come a little closer. Take a look." The consequences are somewhere between enormous and fictitious.

It helps to have a guide to take you to safe passage. Whether it's a motivational keynote speaker, self-help book or a hand extended in your direction - mitigating the risk with someone who has edge-peeked in the past will surely help.

You know what risk you can feel comfortable but don’t let that stop you from peeking over the edge the next time you get a chance.

The life you want depends on it.

What it is about those who live by the, “People are entitled to my opinion, whether they want it or not” motto? Unsolicited Advisers might work for some people, but they drive yours truly absolutely bonkers. There’s a technique you can use to avoid Unsolicited Advisers driving anyone cukoo. It’s called Gestalt Feedback.

There is a peer-to-peer entrepreneurs' forum we call Veritas. Veritas is the Latin word for truth. We’ve been meeting monthly for over eleven years. The health of our forum relies almost completely on a method of interaction called Gestalt Feedback. This type of feedback is not advisory, but in the form of communication based on personal experience.

For example, one of our ten members could bring up a topic on strengthening client relationships when loyalty seems to be fickle. There’s a protocol designee ready with red and yellow ‘gestalt infraction’ cards. If someone says, “You should institute an incentive program,” they get a red card for flat out ‘advice.’ If that person said, “There are people in situations like yours who put an incentive program in place,” then a yellow card is raised. But, if the person were to follow the gestalt feedback formula, they would say, “We had a disintegrating loyalty issue with the ABC Brick Company so we started an incentive program where the more business we got, the more service credits they received. It increased our retention by 22%.”

You instantly notice the life-sucking effect of Unsolicited Advisors when they start telling you what you should do with your life. Motivational? NOT!

It’s a slow bleed when you hear thinly veiled advice disguised as feedback. Motivating? Not so much!

You can instantly feel the power of gestalt feedback when someone has heard what you said and provides their experience. Chances are you'll hear from them a solution that worked.

The next time you meet at work or in a mastermind setting, explain what gestalt feedback is. Then ask for agreement on this personal experience over advice mode of exchanging information between members.

Like riding a bike for the first time, it may take a few rotations to get the hang of it.

Once it starts to click, you won’t miss unsolicited advice nor that feeling of going bonkers in an absolute way.

“Why?” The question repeats.

“Love” is the resolution.

Cara announced at the office, “Amy’s running an 8 minute mile in Boston. Scott said it was a perfect day. She smiled as she ran past.”

A few hours later, just before the plane doors shut, a young executive leaned over and showed a horrific video from the Boston Marathon finish line.

I texted Amy. They were safe. Facebook and Twitter lit up concerning the bombing. The newsrooms writhed and struggled with this act of hatred. All sought clarity.

Tragedy begets the question - “Why?”

FEAR soon fills the void.

If “why” is not solved, fear embeds its vicious tentacles into recesses of the brain. Like an unrelenting attack, cancer breeds more cancer. Its mission is to kill the host. Keep asking “Why?” without answers - and the cancer grows.

Socrates believed, “There is no solution: seek it lovingly.”

Turn fear away. Love becomes contagious!

1. Foster LOVE in your Biz
Dave Stone, founder of First Rate, Inc. has four values for his company, and ends all his emails with, “Love, Serve, Give & Enjoy.” His staff enjoys selecting charities, which get donations of 10% gross corporate revenue. Mike Schoder, owner and President of the Granada Theater, has love inherent in his culture. “Kindness and honesty equal our mission statement of fun.” FedEx has an internal motto, in order of priority. “People, Process, Profit.” Putting people first is an act of love.

2. Attach LOVE to Your Question
Consistently ask yourself a question with the word “love” in it. Example: How will I serve with love? Following a personal mission statement can be restricting. But living IN your personal question, especially in the name of love, will clear your way. When you consistently ask yourself, “How will I serve with love?” there may be no right answer but there is a right direction. And isn’t ‘the right direction’ where we all want to go?

3. Pivot to LOVE
Being right has become more important than being loving. Since there is no solution, and love is the answer then pivot from trying to right to being loving. If you are in a position of influence (Hint: If you’re breathing, you’re in a significant position of influence) then lead by example.

In 1993 I went through heart numbing closure on a failing marriage. To redirect attention onto something more positive I decided to run the Calgary Marathon with friends. Bryce Medd and I trained six days a week for six months. The plan was to get to the start line AND the finish line healthy. Four hours and forty-five minutes later, fighting through exhaustion, the finish banner finally appeared. Tears flowed as I fell into waiting friends’ embrace.

The devastation in Boston reignited those tears.

This time, for all time, love is the resolution.

He’s 70 and loves to work and was turned down for a job he really wanted. He didn’t lie down. He eventually got the position. How creative and smart will you be - to advance your career?

Harrison Ford was told he wasn’t right for the supporting role in 42, a movie about the life of Jackie Robinson. Ford is arguably one of the most successful actors in film history. He has generated over $6 billion in ticket sales, yet when he was interested in the role of former Brooklyn Dodgers general manager - Branch Rickey, director Brian Helgeland wouldn’t return his call.

“Nothing against [Harrison Ford]” Helgeland said about the casting process. He was opposed to Ford’s stardom. “I didn’t want [the movie] to be Jackie Robinson and Harrison Ford.” Yet, Harrison Ford really wanted the part of the complex, honorable and practical character who helped advance civil rights.

Ford kept calling and insisted on a meeting. The director relented. In the face-to-face conversation with Helgeland, Ford asked about specific scenes. At one point, Ford wanted to better understand a section of the screenplay. He said it could be played either one of two ways. Impromptu, he acted the scene one way. Then played the scene another way. It was clear Ford was intimate with the screenplay. What the director didn’t know was Harrison Ford researched Branch Rickey. He studied audio and film archives of the legendary Dodgers GM. He embodied Rickey’s mannerisms, voice and cadence.

Ford jokes he “…wore [Helgeland] down.” Not true. He approached his job search with the following system.

1. Never Shy Away from What You Want. What do you want? What are you doing about it? Harrison Ford is 70 and loaded. He’s neither retired nor complacent. There are no excuses. Want that job advancement, new client, new business idea? Go for it!
2. When They Don’t Call Back. Keep Calling. They didn’t reply to your email? They didn’t return your voice mail? If you haven’t called at least seven times you’re officially a wimp. Keep smiling and dialing. Get creative. Send them a 70-second video message where they see your eyes and your passion.
3. When They Answer Insist on a Meeting. Repeat after me. “We have to meet. Would two o’clock on Tuesday work or would 10 am on Wednesday be better?” Close until you get a meeting.
4. Do Amazing Homework. Don’t you dare go to the meeting on your charm and good looks alone. It doesn’t matter if you have generated $6 billion in ticket sales. The ONLY thing the interviewee cares about is his own derriere. One trip to Google is NOT research. Go in with an intimate knowledge of the solutions that the interviewee needs to know about. Know more than the interviewee knows.
5. Impress with Extraordinary Value. In the meeting, forget about the benefits of hiring you. Deliver on the extraordinary value you can provide.

If you’ve done your job right, the interviewee would be crazy not to engage you.

Are you in the spotlight, or the spouse who inherited a less conspicuous role? The latter involves an elegant dance of being beside and behind someone, occasionally, at the very same time. Let’s call that grace in circumstance.

Meet Dottie Duke, the wife of Charles Duke, the 10th person to walk on the moon's surface.

The event was a private dinner we attended recently in Dallas. Last year, a chance to meet General Duke never transpired. On the way to this year’s dinner, I mentioned to Michelle a couple of times, “I hope we can meet the astronaut who was there last year.”

As luck, or the power of intention, would have it, Charlie and his wife Dottie sat down right beside us. We spent the evening conversing with a truly fascinating couple.

Towards the end of the evening, we decided to take a picture of the four of us. After a smile and a click, Dottie pulled on my arm and said, “A picture with you and Charlie is a good idea.”

How cool is that? After a half century of supporting her husband -- the guy in Houston's 1969 Mission Control talking to Neil Armstrong as he stepped on the moon, to 1972 when Charlie left his footprints on moon-dust while she cared for their two boys, to standing by him during his ascension to US Air Force brigadier general – she glided aside and gave a stranger a chance for a picture with a hero from the golden age of space travel.

Dottie and Charlie are about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

It’s clear the success of their marriage is due in part to Dottie’s ability to dance with grace in circumstance.

What a nice reminder about the gift your grace can have in any dance of circumstance.

It's lame to encourage someone with, “Follow your dreams.” Either that someone is aware of this tired cliché or they have no idea of what the dream is. Moreover, your motivational advice will likely fall on deaf ears.

Why is that?

Dreams aren’t nearly an effective motivator as regrets are.

Dreams are best guesses. Regrets are clear, poignant and powerful.

Lance Armstrong has all sorts of opinions being flung at him right now. Some believe his only motivation for coming clean is for better sponsorship at professional triathlon competitions. In other circles, he has pundits questioning his decision from a legal standpoint. They’re posting he will invite more legal implications than if he had kept his mouth shut. Yet, people close to Armstrong state he has repeatedly expressed his regret for denials and attacks on his accusers. With his estimated net worth in excess of $100 million, it’s questionable more money or less litigation are his primary concerns.

The sting of regret is a powerful motivator.

Think to a time when you made a very poor decision or hurt someone else. Think of the regret you felt. That feeling may never be erased. Yet, what forward thinking decision did you make? Chances are, you made a course correction and did what you could to never make that mistake again.

Lying to an Australian customs official about being on the Canadian national wrestling team at Brisbane’s Commonwealth Games is a 30 year-old regret. He saw the special visa, asked if I’d competed and I responded, “Yes.” But this fib about being an athlete sat like a lump of garage station sushi in the pit of my stomach. It drove me to never take credit for a story that I didn’t earn… ever again.

Skipping the chance to compete internationally in Luge is another regret from my past. Watching luge buddies marching in the opening ceremonies threw piano sized remorse on my back. The weight of not committing the way these friends did inspired a four-year journey to compete in Olympic Speed Skiing.

I regret not listening to my first fiancé when she wanted to postpone the wedding because she was “Still in love with (her) old boyfriend.” Yet, after that first failed marriage, the lessons about what to do next time down the aisle involved ‘no regrets.’

So, if you’re tired of hearing ‘Follow your dreams’ or have no clue what ‘your dreams’ might be, give yourself a break.

Instead, look ten, thirty, sixty years down the road. What regrets do you never, ever want to feel?

You’ll find a lot more clarity in what to avoid rather than what you think you want.

If you know exactly what you want - lucky you. But don’t just follow your dreams.

Avoid regrets.

On the surface, they have what they need to succeed. Thomas Franchise Solutions has a seasoned board of advisors, a sure-footed leader and committed staff, driven for growth. But, their founder and Chairman, Peter Thomas, wants more. A fresh, unconventional perspective. His brainchild, a Youth Advisory Board.

A Youth Advisory Board is not new to organizational development.

State Farm has a youth advisory board. Thirty 17-20 year olds are assigned to address issues important to State Farm and communities across North America. Their service-learning projects help State Farm with a local presence and goodwill.

Brewerytown in Philadelphia has a community Youth Advisory Council comprising of 14-19 year olds. Yours truly even got in the youth activism game thirty-five years ago. I chaired a Teen Board that complimented the adult efforts of the Strathcona Youth Association’s mission to build a local teen center.

The Alberta Children's Hospital in Calgary has been using advising youth for years. According to avid supporter, Eric Perrault, "The Children's Hospital in Calgary (the big lego block) was based upon designs from our youth advisory. Not only were they consulted in the design phase, all structural and programs had to go through them for changes and approval. This may explain why the facility is one of the best of its kind."

TFS takes the Youth Advisory Board concept outside the somewhat insular corporate playground.

What’s innovative about Thomas’ Youth Advisory Board is their assignment. To submit a SWOT analysis (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats). The youngest member is in middle school. Others are either in high school or college. The youth selected are armed with an entrepreneurial acumen and intellegence oozing with curiosity.

As it turns out, there are many check marks in the win category for TFS and the youth.

Win #1 A Younger Lens for a Bigger Picture - TFS gets to see through a younger lens. TFS's model of investing in franchise companies with a proven track record and profitable model could be strictly numbers driven. But Thomas wanted to augment his investment process with insights of those who the corporate world normally would rather have share of wallet share… not what the young minds have to share. Meanwhile, the youth know they need to look carefully at what they review and translate it for their elder colleagues.

Win #2 Simple Sophistication - The youth dive into the real corporate conversations. By being added to weekly internal communications and other information flow the youngsters gain insight into how bottom line results are driven by organizational decision-making. TFS forces themselves to keep their messaging easy to digest and uncomplicated. The keep-it-simple mantra is self-imposed while paying dividends.

Win #3 Evoking Insights and Outsights – TFS wants to scan for new franchise opportunities while balancing the demands of growing their partner companies. It is incredibly easy in any organization to get caught in the manage-what-we-have cycle at the expense of innovating towards new frontiers. To ignore dealing with change and managing change companies like Radio Shack and Blockbuster have fallen victim to this phenomenon. With the Youth Advisory Board’s consistent input, everyone at TFS pauses to reflect and seek beyond themselves.

Consider eliciting the noggin’ power of a few sharp, still developing, under 25 brains. Go beyond traditional focus groups or surveys. Create a youth advisory board and evoke a bigger picture with simple sophistication. A fresh, unconventional, youthful, motivational perspective may be exactly what you need.